ESPN buys rights to Soccerball

The Disney-owned broadcaster ESPN are said to be “excited” after their acquisition of broadcasting rights to live Premier League Soccerball matches until 2013.

“This is by no means a sell-out of the Premier League and we welcome ESPN as a UK rights holder,” said Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore.

“They have a formidable amount of money and I am sure we will enjoy taking as much of it from them as possible. Hopefully they’ll be good for it as well, unlike those shysters over at Setanta. We could never get in touch with them and we always found it suspicious that they only had a PO Box address – they didn’t even have email. In the end we found that Setanta was actually just a husband and wife operation run from a caravan.”

The Premier League were forced to invite bids for televised games after Setanta only managed to pay £220 out of the £30 million monthly installment due. “We thought it best that we opened the bidding to proper, registered companies rather than finding ‘broadcasters’ from adverts in the News Of The World magazine.” Scudamore added.

Scudamore welcomed the fact that an alternative source of enormous revenue was found quickly. “The speed at which we have been able to conclude this deal means that my preparations for building a new annexe will be able to continue without interruption,” he said.

“Fans and clubs will have certainty over the amount of money they will need to pay for the broadcasting of Barclays Premier League matches over the next four seasons, though that could increase at any point.”

ESPN International head Russell Wolff said: “Premier League Soccerball is one of the world’s most valuable commodities. This move demonstrates our commitment to our stakeholders and our ongoing commitment to delivering big financial returns to them.”

As well as losing all Premier League games, Setanta suffered another blow last Monday when the Scottish Premier League took out a repossession order on their caravan.

“We also took ownership of three homeworking scam operations they were running from their business ‘premises’, but we may end up selling them on as the SPL wouldn’t wish to be associated with the idea of promising great things to ordinary working class people, only to ultimately rip them off.” said SPL boss Lex Gold.

“It’s a shame, as the couple that ran Setanta, Debbie and Mike, seemed like really nice people”, he lamented.

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