Government to encourage out-of-date food

The Government has today unveiled a new scheme to encourage people to eat out of date foods.

Environment minister Hilary Benn told the Chartered Institution of Waste Management’s Futuresource conference about a new colour-coding system that will be used instead. “Basically”, he said “if you get a piece of chicken and it’s pink, then it’s OK to eat. If the chicken is slightly grey then you can take your chances, but you should be alright. If the chicken is green then you may want to give it a wide berth, though we’d advise you to trim off the green bits and have the rest.”

He warned that best-before dates are “just a load of propaganda” used by retailers for stock control but can end up confusing customers into throwing away semi-reasonable food.

“Only an idiot wouldn’t know how long to keep food for and how to should store it. ” said Mr. Benn. “Too many of us are putting things in the bin simply because we’re a bit unsure or because we don’t want food poisoning. As part of our war on waste I want to all labels on food so people won’t know if something’s unfit to eat or not. In a way, we are making food a timeless commodity.”

It is claimed that 6.7 million tonnes of food is thrown away every year – most of which could be eaten, and indeed is eaten – by seagulls. “How many seagulls do you see suffering from food poisoning? Exactly…..” added Mr. Benn. “In fact I’d go as far as to speculate that, if we train our bodies to accept more out-of-date foodstuffs, then we’d become more resistant to bacteria and probably to most common diseases”

The Conservative leader Dave Cameron responded to the scheme by saying “This Government has passed its sell-by date. It’s like a slab of corned beef that has been in the fridge for weeks, has green and white fur around some of the edges and is starting to emit a slightly pungent aroma. The time has come to discard the Labour Party into the bin of opposition. If voters persist with this government they may end up getting the shits and having to stay off work.”



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