£ormula One in £inancial cri$i$

£ormula One is embedded in its biggest crisis since the withdrawal of tobacco sponsorship with eight of its biggest name teams announcing plans to start their own championship due to the lack of money in the current setup.

BMW-Sauber, Brawn, Ferrari, McLaren, Red Bull, Renault, Toro Rosso and Toyota have all put their names forward to a new billion-dollar Superleague, available exclusively on Setanta Sports pay-per-view, which they hope will revolutionise the way money is extracted from members of the public.

“The teams cannot continue to compromise on the fundamental F1 values of big money sponsorship and mass advertising and have decided to withdraw their entry forms for the 2010 world championship,” said a statement.

“These teams therefore have no alternative other than to commence the preparation for a new championship which reflects better financial value for its participants and partners.”

The governing FIA are now in turmoil, as they desperately need to find a group of new competitors to fill the void before the new season– at present there are 6 teams on standby: Ginsters, The Post Office, Quality Street, WHSmith, McVities and Asda.

The breakaway group said their new Superleague would encourage more advertising, listen to the wishes of sponsors and form a pressure group to lobby for the return of shady tobacco corporations to their rightful place – adorning the boards surrounding the edges of molten tar.

£ormula One billionaire Bernie Ecclestone was outraged, claiming the decision represented “greed beyond comprehension”. He went on to say: “These people get right up my cock, they really do. I can go home at the end of a hard day of F1-ing with a clear conscience – can they honestly say the same?”

It remains to be seen whether the new entrants, who have all agreed to race with a £40 petrol allowance, will still be willing to commit to the rigours of a gruelling season of £ormula One motor racing.

[19/06/2009]

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