Black Eyed Peas break worst-record record

Black Eyed Peas have made history by scoring the worst, longest running number one single of all time on the US Billboard chart, beating Bryan Adams’ record set almost twenty years ago.

The last artist to threaten Bryan Adams’ stronghold was Whitney Houston, whose 1992 cover of Dolly Parton’s track ‘I Will Always Love You’ narrowly missed the record by a mere 2 weeks. Houston yesterday said: “It’s good to see that there are new acts out there who are still able to etch a composition into the national psyche, to make a song that inexplicably draws people in, yet all the time has them asking exactly why. To have the ability to make a track that holds a mirror up to the questionable tastes of the record buying public is something that requires a lot of skill and patience.

“I think Peas had got to a point where they became quite exasperated with the public. Their main question was ‘What exactly do the people actually want?’, and what they did in order to answer that question was just to load a song with as many different sounds, rhythms and vocals, regardless of whether or not the overall composition would make any sense. In the end, as we know, it had absolutely no hooks or cohesion whatsoever – but the public bought it, so the idea worked.”

The band’s leader,, is pleased, though albeit slightly confused with the performance of “Boom Boom Pow”, which rose to the summit of the Billboard Hot 100 three months ago: “I can’t seem to get my head around it at all. We dropped that track over 20 weeks ago, and at the time we rushed it out in a panic because we were nearing the deadline for completion, yet the song had no overall direction whatsoever. We didn’t get anywhere near enough time to finish it properly, but in the end it didn’t seem to matter. It’s ironic because we put a lot of work into the follow-up track ‘I Gotta Feeling’, but we had to hold back its release due to the success of ‘Boom’.

“At the end of the day it’s a great feeling to shift a lot of units and to maximise total sales revenue through a product-focused marketing campaign. It’s what all Americans dream of when going into the music industry and for us to have maintained high levels of profit over such a long period of time is a magnificent achievement and a testament to all the tireless hard work and dedication of the production team and the vision of the marketing department – without whom none of this would have been possible.”


2 Responses to “Black Eyed Peas break worst-record record”

  1. dleighmiad Says:

    Brilliantly hilarious—or is it hilariously brilliant? Either way, me likes.

    • falsenews Says:

      Thanks for the feedback – I update this blog most days so do come back and have a look whenever you feel like it.



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