England win place in World Cup


English football fans are revelling in World Cup glory after the team clinched success against Croatia at Wembley last night.

England’s recent performances – coupled with the opinions of numerous media pundits – mean that the team are now guaranteed to lift the World Cup in Johannesburg on July 11th 2010.

Last night’s positive result has now settled beyond doubt any concerns surrounding the ability of England’s footballers to win soccer’s ultimate prize in South Africa next year, and an open-top bus parade has now been scheduled for the players’ return to the country on July 13th. It is thought that the Queen will be in attendance at the event, which is set to take place in London’s Trafalgar Square.

England’s Captain John Terry struggled to find the superlatives to sum up his team’s remarkable victory: “It’s been a fantastic experience, the team’s played unbelievable and the result’s fantastic, really fantastic. You know, the lads have been unbelievable and you couldn’t ask for more. The coaches have been fantastic and the rest of the backroom staff have been unbelievable.”

Former coach Kevin Keegan last night declared: “If someone had said to me ten years ago that I’d be standing here right now, watching England win [a place in] the World Cup I’d have spat in their face. This is the best I’ve ever seen England play by a long way. Make no mistake – this England side is going places. There is no way they can’t win the World Cup next year.”


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