PM reveals new buzz-phrase: Jobs For All

Prime Minister Gordon Brown unveiled his latest buzz-phrase to students at Langside College of Further Education, declaring it his “mission” to create “jobs for all”.

After touring the college, he told students: “I want to see a situation where, not only do we give you new opportunities in education, but we create an economy where there are jobs for all. And I mean everyone. I want a utopian Britain where there is constant 100% employment and good opportunities for highly-skilled jobs for people like you.”

The Prime Minister then unveiled the new political platitude to the assembled group of students – and it’s fair to say that most were underwhelmed. “It didn’t mean anything to me,” says student Peter Ian, “I think the Prime Minister just rushed it out because it sounds good. The flaw in his logic is that if he creates ‘jobs for all’, it will immediately render all employment agency and job centre staff redundant. The problem with that is there won’t be any employment agencies or job centres for them to go to, so he hasn’t really thought that one through, has he?

“Plus if he then re-opens job centres in order to cater for these redundancies there will be nothing for the staff to do. Perhaps they could sub-divide and half of them could help the other half find employment – maybe that’s Mr. Brown’s plan. Maybe the group could keep sub-diving until eventually there are 2 unemployed people left in Britain – one of whom becomes the last ever job centre worker and the other a jobseeker. Once that person has found work the job centre employee will once again be made redundant, so again I’m not sure if he’s really thought about the implications of making such a bold statement. I think he needs to go back to the drawing board on this one.”

The Prime Minister has immediately begun work on a follow-up slogan due for release early next year.

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