Jobcentre unveils new supercomputer

The government is today set to unveil a new supercomputer, which is expected to make “shopping” for employment much easier for the country’s 3 million jobseekers.

The computer – which has been developed over several years – is designed to open up greater employment possibilities to jobseekers by including a more powerful search facility which ignores more user criteria than ever before.

Developer Peter Ian reveals more: “We decided to modify the search engine to give a more broadly-interpreted output, as this automatically covers any ‘gaps’ in information entered by the user. Our research found that the primary reason people are out of work is not because of a lack of jobs, but because most jobseekers – or ‘customers’ as we now call them – aren’t being given a full 100% ‘service’. Omitting jobs from the search listings is unfair to the customer, as they should be entitled to know about ALL types of job in EVERY part of the country.

“Customers should have the right to work for commission only, and to travel as far as Liverpool or Edinburgh, even if they live in Bristol. Overall, we are hopeful that our new search facility will ignore at least 90% of the information entered by any user, which in theory should open up 90% more opportunity for them, and go some way towards reducing the current high level of unemployment.”

Another thing the makers of the machine will address is the issue of the “unresponsive” touch screen interface, which has left a high number of jobseekers unable to choose the correct job, and in some cases forced the user down a completely different career path to their choosing. The knock-on effects of this can be devastating, with many disillusioned customers stuck in jobs they despise as a result.

“I think most customers will be pleased to hear we are scrapping the frustrating touch screen system,” adds Peter Ian, “and are replacing it with a more simplistic and hard-wearing user interface able to cope with the day-to-day rigors of constant aggressive use. We decided in the end to mount a ‘roller-ball’ on the front of the machine together with a button. These controls will enable the user to guide a small onscreen cursor, which moves very gradually as they roll the ball in a particular direction. Once the cursor eventually reaches the desired option, they simply click the button to select it. We hope that this will prove more user-friendly and, together with the enhanced search facility, make seeking employment a more enjoyable and rewarding experience for the consumer.”

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