Cameron uses 1000th populist soundbyte

Tory leader David Cameron is set to enter the record books as he yesterday delivered his 1000th populist soundbyte, using a radio interview to compare politics to the TV entertainment show X-Factor.

Mr. Cameron, speaking on right-wing radio station talkSPORT , took the comparison further by suggesting that politicians could learn from the programme’s creator Simon Cowell, all the while heavily implying that he himself would suit the dynamic role of the show’s supremo.

The soundbyte comes as welcome news to representatives of the opposition leader, who expected Mr. Cameron’s 1000th populist quote to occur around April next year. A spokesman for the Conservative leader, Peter Ian, said yesterday: “We’ve all been impressed with how seamlessly he does it. There’s no-one around in politics who is more opportunist than Dave and he has managed to attach himself to nearly everything of any significance in popular culture over the last two years. There were a few hiccups along the way, admittedly – for instance, he didn’t even mention England’s Ashes winners last summer, which was a bit slack for him. Mind you, Parliament was in recess around that time, so you probably couldn’t blame him entirely for that one.

“The other thing is that he doesn’t just limit himself to today’s pop culture, as he recently demonstrated when pretending to like The Smiths. That band broke up 20 years ago, plus his party are entirely at odds with everything they stood for, but he made his alignment to them look so effortless that even I started to buy into it. I’m sure many voters had this vision of him as a disaffected and lonely student, living in squalor and dreaming of becoming famous. If only they knew how rich his family is and how easily he sailed through Oxford as a youngster. That and the fact that he was massively into The Housemartins and Level 42 at the time, but obviously they’re not cool like The Smiths were. You’ve got to take your top hat off to him, really.”

Last month’s war memorial photoshoot was perhaps Mr. Cameron’s most controversial popularity attempt so far, involving as it did dead soldiers. Mr. Ian explains more: “We were a bit cagey about doing that one, to be honest. In fact, the original plan was to take some pictures of Dave against a plain background looking solemn, then superimpose him on to the memorial so as to minimise any offence. But Dave insisted that he wanted to appear ‘real’, and that to do this he needed to pretend to care about the fallen soldiers ‘in person’, as it were. Fair play to him for doing that, as it took a lot of courage and bravery to pull off such a manoeuvre, and he carried it out with military precision taking no longer than 10 minutes for the entire shoot. In fact you could say he was the only one in that place who had been shot several times and survived to tell the tale.”

Mr. Cameron’s populist quote tally is expected to exceed 1,500 before the next general election, which is due to be called by June 2010 at the latest.


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