Steve Penk’s Laboured Comedy Corner

(Sponsored by McDonalds ® – I’m lovin’ it)

Famous for Jon Culshaw’s infamous phone call to Downing Street, Penk revolutionised Revolution Radio by transforming it from a dull, eclectic mix of varied music and ideas into a super-slick, exciting derivative of the Heart FM franchise. Join Penky in his exciting new column in which he muses leaden-footedly over the week’s events, where even the tagline struggles to make its point in a clumsy and roundabout way…

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Did you see the story about Kanye West recently? Apparently he held up a plane because they wouldn’t allow him to sit in first class. What a tosser, eh? Do you know what I think would have been funny? If he’d burst into the toilet with some guy sitting on the pan and said to him “I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish!” – that’d be hilarious! Can you imagine the look on the passenger’s face? Or, right, if he went into the cockpit and, er, commandeered the aircraft whilst saying to the pilot “I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! [your flight]”. How funny would that be? It would be funny! It would! Come on…you’ve got to admit, that’s funny. Plus it wouldn’t upset Ofcom, who are my Jesus.

Tell you what else would be even funnier – if Kanye had put his hand over someone’s in-flight meal and said to them “I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish!” and then the person sitting there went “It’s OK, I’m not hungry – I’ma let YOU finish me potatoes and peas!!!”. My God! That would be a SCREAM! Could you IMAGINE the look on Kanye’s face? And then, right, if he said back to the passenger “No, I’ma let YOU finish!” – that’d be hilarious! You’d just have this battle, wouldn’t you? “I’ma let ya finish!”, “I’ma let YOU finish!”,”No, I’ma let YOU finish!”, “No, I’ma let ya finish!”…

But the best bit would come when the stewardess arrives to collect the empty trays and says to the pair of them: “I’ma let ya finish! [before coming back to collect your empty trays]” – how funny would THAT be? Because you wouldn’t know if she meant finish squabbling or finish the food, would you?

You know, I’ve just thought of the name for his next album. He should call it … “I’ma Let Ya Finish!” – think about it! That’d be a hoot if he did that…

I sure hope that Kanye LETS ME FINISH my column! Eh? Hopefully he won’t pop up whilst I’m writing the rest of it and ruin all my jokes. Imagine if he did – how funny would THAT be? Like I say, though, I’m sure he won’t…

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You know what would improve the news? I’ll tell you what would make it more fun, right, would be if they played CHEERS after the good news and BOOS after the bad news. How great would that be? Can you imagine how it would sound? “In Iraq today, there’s been several bad things happen like all bad war and stuff and guns and explosives…[BOO…]…and finally the weather – and Britain is set to bask in sunshine for the next two weeks [YAAAYYYY!!]”

And even better, they could play fart noises as well – how hilarious would that be?

Kanye West: Now hold on, I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! OK? I just wanna say…

Kanye? Oh my God! Leave me alone, Kanye! What do you want?

Kanye West:… that the best local radio presenter in England is definitely Bob McCreadie. He shoulda won that Sony Award….I’ma let ya finish, OK? I’ma let ya finish…

Bloomin’ heck, Kanye, you’ve completely disrupted my flow. How funny was THAT, everyone? Eh? Let’s hope THAT doesn’t happen again, eh?

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You know what’s funny? How young people say “sick” to mean “good” – that’s funny. How are you meant to distinguish when they’re ACTUALLY ill? I mean, if your son says to you “Dad, I’m feeling really sick”, are you meant to go “Yo, son, I’m in pretty sick health, too. Booyakasha!” and do the clicky fingers hand-whip thing like Ali G used to do? That would be funny – especially if he was really ill. THAT would teach kids to use the right words, wouldn’t it? How funny would that be?

Kanye West: Now ‘scuse me, I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish!

Nooooooooo!!!!!! Get off me, Kanye! Arrrrggghhhhhh!!!!!!

Kanye West: I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish! I’ma let ya finish!…..(etc)….

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Join Penky every morning at “stupid o’clock” on Revolution96.2

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