The Guardian Guide Singles Review

February 15th, 2010



The Band You’ve Never Heard Of – I Like Boxes (Pious Recordings)

TBYNHO return with a tuneful little ditty dedicated to the wonder of the humble cardboard box.  When we say “return”, we mean to us, rather than to you. Admit it, this is the first you’ve ever heard of them. You probably still think music is about bands like Snow Patrol and Keane, don’t you? It may be in the provinces where you live, but here at Guide HQ we’re enamoured with the sheer chutzpah (go on, look it up) of this Norwegian 3-piece’s solipsistic (go on, get the dictionary again – might as well keep it out for the rest of this column if I were you) ode to the musical merits of cardboard. Indeed, Ralf Fjjiiisck swaps the skins for boxes throughout. A joyous three-and-a-half minutes.


P – P (Nervous Nigel)

P (Peter Draper) is not a man given to grandiose musical gestures and this minimalistic pedal-steel-guitar-driven broken ballad is no exception. Another pearl from the Nervous Nigel stables, it has to be said (so-called due to its creator Nigel Teake-Pierce experiencing a nervous breakdown after the label went into administration). You’re probably not familiar with the Nervous Nigel record label, buying music, as you do, from labels such as Sony or EMI in stores such as HMV or Virgin Megastore in anonymous provincial hellholes like Staines and Kingston. This song’s fragile, untainted beauty would be wasted on anyone outside of the centre of the N1 postcode area, so don’t bother looking it up or attempting to buy it.


Dzuzz – Armpit Symphony (Fuck-Your-Aunt)

Asinine (yep, dictionary time again) guitar dirge which yelps into life with a cacophony (keep up) of squawking songbird trumpets more akin to a Sunday afternoon in one of Camden’s retro drinking establishments, replete with the smell of incense. The trill chimes of guitar act as a sobering counterpoint to the Dzuzz staple of panic-laden paranoia-synth, which makes overall for a pleasurable post-post-punk avant-garde half-hour. Wonderful stuff.


Kasabian – Vlad The Impaler (Sony)

Eurgh! A record people outside of London may actually have heard of? How in Tim Jonze’s name did this get here? This latest effort from Kasabian reeks of desperation, striving as it does to sound even worse than Primal Scream. Way to go, guys. You’ve actually made me like Bobby Gillespie again (who, of course, was only relevant before the release of Screamadelica, which sounded like the smell of Factory Records’ arsehole). Best avoided at all costs – unless, of course, you live in High Wycombe or Hertforshire.


Arsehole Mudslide – Never Sell Records (Pisspot Recordings)

Arsehole Mudslide are fast becoming one of the most talked-about bands in the Guardian Guide offices – and for good reason, too. This six-and-a-half minute opus (just when you thought it was safe to put down the dictionary) is far better than anything you will ever listen to. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to buy this, so you had better stick to shit like The Killers for now, and leave the real music to the cognoscenti (you’ll find that under “c”).


[Edited by some prick who wishes he were Alexis Petridis]


2 Responses to “”

  1. dleighmiad Says:

    Music critic criticism par exellence. Would love to see the artist roster of the Fuck-Your-Aunt label.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: