Chancellor won’t Budge from March 24th, say experts

Chancellor Alistair Darling will today announce the date he intends to deliver Labour’s final pre-election Budget, with many predicting it to take place in two weeks’ time on March 24th.

It is widely expected that Mr. Darling will conform to media speculation surrounding the potential date of the Budget by revealing to MPs later today that it will indeed take place on March 24th, as predicted.

Hackneyed media hack piece-of-shit scum Peter Ian is adamant the Chancellor will buckle under the intense pressure concerning the date of the Budget: “He may well toy with the idea of going maybe a week earlier or a week later, but in the end he’ll plump for March 24th, because he has no imagination whatsoever. We all know he’ll call it for that date, so I don’t know why there’s all this ceremony about it. He’s going to look such a prick this afternoon when he announces the Budget for the 24th – we’ve all known about it for months! And Brown will look like an even bigger doofus when he leaden-footedly toes the media line and calls the General Election for the 6th of May. Well, duh! Yesterday’s news, mate.

“Mind you, it gives us something to write about, doesn’t it? You can easily spin out a 400-500 word article centred around this one measly fact, which everyone already knows anyway. But you’ll still get people reading it, going ‘Ooh, I didn’t know there’d be a Budget just before the election…I wonder if he really will hold it on March 24th…’ – despite the fact the article mentions the date in every fucking paragraph. In fact, we may even keep those people in mind by including a frankly insulting ‘contribution’ from some psychic at the end of the article, just to try and plug that date even further. Mind you, you’d have to be some pretty scummy, down-market kind of tabloid outfit to try something that pathetic.”

Acclaimed psychic Maggie Averidge offers her unique view on the Chancellor’s upcoming decision. Speaking in italics, the 54-year-old said yesterday: “I can see Mr. Darling faces a big crossroads – possibly something to do with his career. Or possibly not. He may end up making a life-changing decision at some point – possibly towards the end of the month, although the message is not as clear as I’m used to receiving. Perhaps there’s something important happening in May – I’m seeing hustle and bustle, voting slips, disappointment … hmmm … not sure what that could mean – I’m only a facilitator of spirit communication, after all. It’s up to you to join the dots and form your own conclusions …”

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