UK voted worst place in developed world by expats

A survey of several Britons who live abroad has found that the UK is the worst overall place to live in the developed world, with 100% of those questioned saying they “wouldn’t go back if you paid me”.

The results, taken from expatriates living in six different countries, found that Australia was the by far the best place for disillusioned British families to live, with a quality of life of over 1000.

Expat Peter Ian, who moved with his wife to Australia over 16 years ago, isn’t surprised by the results: “We’ve never looked back, if we’re honest. You only have to look at the state of Britain to see how bad things have become over there. You can’t even walk down the street without getting stabbed these days – and if it isn’t that, then there’s the level of immigration to contend with. Put it this way, it’s not the Britain I remember. In the end we had no choice but to emigrate.

“Australia, on the other hand, is fantastic. It’s sunny every single day here and there’s no need to work, as everyone just surfs all the time. It’s like living in a dream. Over here, you don’t have to pay extortionate taxes or worry about crime, as the government just gives away free money – all you have to do is draw out as much as you need to spend each time you go to the cashpoint and it never runs out. It’s the fairest economic system in the world – plus we can send our kids to private school completely free of charge, because over here, ALL schools are private – not like the shitty, crime-ridden dumps they probably have in England nowadays. All students get free laptops and unlimited internet access, and can attend lessons as and when they choose, which I think you’ll agree is slightly better than the moth-eaten textbooks shared between three pupils you probably still get in the pikey scum-holes over in the UK.”

Tony Mick, a tax exile living in Spain, agrees: “I’d have definitely said Australia would make the best place to live, so those results don’t surprise me one bit. Although, having said that, we do love it here in Spain. The weather’s beautiful and the seas are like a bath, even in January. It’s like living in a postcard. The best thing was, when we moved here in 1988, the pound was worth about a hundred pesetas, which meant that the moment we set up home in Spain we were instant millionaires! We’ve spent over twenty years lounging by the pool, sipping cocktails and working on our sunburn – it’s the best life you could possibly imagine. I just wish they’d speak better English, though. A lot of these Spanish people find things very difficult to understand, although most of them do eventually get the point if you repeat everything louder and slower. Mind you, that doesn’t put us off living here, and we’d certainly never go back to the UK now, as it’s full of scrounging foreigners taking advantage of the sys…oh…”

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