Deputy PM Clegg signals a new kind of change

The new Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has expressed his aim to offer a “new kind of change”, which is said to be different from any change promised before.

The change, set to take place “at a time when the dust has settled and it is deemed most appropriate to the public interest”, will most likely involve an overhaul of the outdated and much-derided “first-past-the-post” system, replacing it with a fairer, more representative voting method. The new method will involve voters ranking prospective parliamentary candidates in order of preference, with the first past the post becoming duly elected as an MP.

Speaking yesterday evening, Mr. Clegg urged voters to “keep faith” as the Conservatives and Liberal Democrats attempted to form “a new kind” of government: “This is a unique opportunity to deliver the kind of changes you and I, and, most importantly, the Conservatives believe in. Gone are the days of obfuscation, tired clichés and non-specific promises to the electorate. It’s time for change.

“It’s time for us to all work together in an open and productive manner to form a strong and stable government which best serves the interests of both parties. We need to move forward from the slick, meaningless buzzwords and concentrate on the kind of change which can deliver a fairer, more open Britain we can all believe in. Both parties agree in principle over the need to do away with needless rhetoric and empty platitudes, which should pave the way to creating a brighter and fairer future for all. It’s time for all of us to unite together and make the positive step towards permanent, lasting change. And real change can only come from … hang on a minute. Dave! Dave! … I think we’ve got each other’s scripts. What does it say at the top of yours? Yeah, look, see, you’ve got my one. My fault, sorry about that, mate. There you go, cheers. Right. What does this say here…?

“This is a unique opportunity to deliv…oh, for fuck’s sake…”

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