Robbie Williams called up for World Cup anthem

Singer Robbie Williams has finally achieved a lifelong dream after being called up to perform on the upcoming World Cup anthem – another reworking of the 1996 hit Three Lions.

This will be the first time that Williams, 35, has ever sung on a football track and the former Take That star is said to be “nervous, but excited” by the challenge ahead. It is thought he has spent the past fifteen years pretending to like football to such an extent that he achieved a level of proficiency which merited several call-ups to play Celebrity Football alongside stars such as MC Harvey and Ralf Little.

A spokesperson for the Advertising Space singer said yesterday: “Robbie is thrilled with the news, especially given the amount of practice he has put into singing terribly for the last five years. I always thought he had it in him to feature on a football song at some point, especially after his performance on the X-Factor at the end of last year. He was every bit the karaoke-style vocalist this kind of record requires – especially when he had his arm round Olly Murs and the pair of them were simply jumping up and down, shouting out lyrics and generally having fun, which is what these terrace anthems are all about.

“The training has been intense, no doubt about it. Robbie’s really thrown himself into the new regime, which consists mostly of drinking heavily, sweating and shouting ‘Get in!!!’ for up to 3 hours every evening. Honestly, I’ve never seen anyone with such hunger. He wants this so badly he’s been eating up to 4 or 5 Ginsters every lunchtime. Slowly, but surely, he is becoming more and more bloated and obnoxious by the day. It’s been incredible to witness his remarkable transformation over the past few months. He is now more than man enough to feature on a football record – plus his best days are way behind him, which also helps.”

Mr. Williams told reporters yesterday: “Get in!!! I’m well made-up, mate. At the end of the day it’s about the fans at the end of the day, mate. Tell you what, mate, Gerrard, yeah? Yeah? Lampard, mate, that’s what it’s all about, mate. Get stuck in, mate, work the ball around, movement, that’s what you need to do. Get in!!! Lampard’s bird, though, mate…you would, wouldn’t you? Eh? Phwoooaaarrr!!! You know what I’m talking about, mate. You fuckin’ would, mate, just to disguise your latent homo…oh…uh, listen, mate, at the end of the day, football’s gonna be the winner when all’s said and done, mate. I’m gonna be wearing the Three Lions with pride until we lose in the quarter-finals on penalties – at which point I’ll probably get drunk and shag loads of birds – get in!!!”

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