Britain sicking up for World Cup

The UK is set to go into further financial meltdown as thousands of workers across the country are planning to go workshy-crazy over the next few weeks as part of the “Sick Up For The World Cup” campaign.

The campaign is the brainchild of Peter Ian, who by day is involved in the manufacture of sellotape, but outside the confines of his workplace is – like millions of others across Britain – a rabid England football supporter.

Speaking yesterday, Mr. Ian declared: “This is shaping up to be the best World Cup yet and no-one in their right mind wants to miss a single second. This campaign is about everyone putting work to one side for a few weeks and really getting behind the England boys. I mean, who wants to be stuck inside some sweaty office when they could be at home watching England take on France in the quarter finals?

“Now we’re not actively encouraging people to skive off work, as that would be deceitful and unreasonable. What we’re saying is that if, by chance, you happen to get sick over the next few weeks, then you may want to make your workplace aware of this so they can organise cover. For example, if you were to unwittingly eat some out-of-date dips which have been in the cupboard for some time, you may feel fairly ill after doing so. The correct and sensible course of action in this instance would be to give as much notice of this as possible to your place of work and inform them that you will return as soon as you are able. Then you can crack open the beers without guilt, sit back and watch the lads bring it home.”

Mr. Ian believes the campaign’s idea of “assisted sickness” will help many England fans overcome the anxiety of missing crucial fixtures due to work and that it operates entirely within Employment Law: “SUFTWC is not a case of ‘Cross Your Fingers’, it’s more a case of ramming those fingers down the back of your throat as accidentally as possible in order to create the opportunity to watch people who earn more in a week than you do in 3 years losing on penalties in the quarter finals yet again. Whilst wearing a St. George’s flag like a cape, of course.”

England fan Tony Mick said yesterday: “It’s going to be mental – the whole country’s going to come to a standstill during the next few weeks, as literally EVERYONE will be following the fortunes of Rooney and the lads in South Africa. I’ve got my flags, my England shirt and a fridge full of beers ready for action and I can’t wait! I’ll be there, along with everyone else across Britain, on the evening of June 9th with my head down the toilet bowl and tears streaming down my cheeks, forcing myself to vomit with pride. Come on, England!”

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