Duchess apologises for talking gibberish during undercover sting

The Duchess of York has apologised for her recent terrible grammar which occurred during an undercover sting by the News Of The World newspaper last week.

Sarah Ferguson, 50, said that she had “taken my own senses on, you know, a kind of leave of absence, if you know what I mean”, adding that she was “it’s like, you know, that, I’m apologising, you know” and that she promised to “clean my, um, clean the old act up in futuristic times, you know”.

In a video on the News Of The World website, the Duchess is seen clearly attempting to confound reporter Mazher Mahmood, who was disguised as an undercover reporter for the purposes of the sting. She was overheard telling him: “£500,000 when you can, to me, open doors, if you know what I mean. Oh you don’t. Um – how can I put this? The doors, they will, you know, not exactly be in a closed situation if, the money, you know, gets … you know. If the £500,000 just, you know, into my account gets, so to speak. The door-age will revolve upon its hinge-age, if you get what I’m squawking about.”

Asked if she could repeat this in some semblance of English, she replied “Yeah”, before shaking hands with the reporter and apparently accepting a $40,000 (£27,600) cash down-payment. When asked by Mahmood’s fake undercover reporter about how to transfer the rest of the money, she apparently replied: “It’s simple in that you just, you know, into the, you know … the money. Then that, is then like, then you open up all the channels whatever you need, whatever you want, and then that’s what and then you meet Andrew and that’s fine. And that’s, that’s when you really open up whatever you want. And if you don’t, you know … you know, you’ll always be thinking, you know, the opportunity and stuff, you know. And then it’s like, you know, the time has passed and then, you know, regrets come into it. The overall picture is to be looked at, you know, not to lose sight of, at any time in the, ahem, the exchange of, shall we say, mutual beneficacy, et cetera.”

When Mahmood later confronted the Duchess with the recording, Ms. Ferguson said: “Oh, so you were just pretending to be an undercover reporter all along. Well, to be honest, I kind of, you know, thought that might have been the, um, the truth, so to speak. If you don’t go … you know, to the … yeah, I’ll make it, if you like to think of it in this way, financially, you know … basically, you could make … and yeah, for life you’ll be … you won’t ever need to, kind of … yeah, work, you know? No rush, or anything, whatever you want, as Status Quo once … you know…”


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