Wheel get round to it, say BPA

The British Parking Association’s forthcoming action against unscrupulous clamping organisations could be delayed for quite some time, according to reports today.

According to the BPA, there have been “numerous difficulties” contacting parking companies caused by “unnecessary red tape and obfuscating paperwork” in several unsuccessful instances.

Peter Ian, who works for the BPA, reveals more: “Pretty much all these companies are crooks, to be honest with you. We’re trying to tighten up regulation and bring a bit of consistency to how the rules governing parking are exercised, but it’s difficult when the people you’re trying to bring into line are hardly ever there and seldom return your phone calls.

“For instance, we ended up visiting the premises of a company called Target Car Direct, who have been doing a huge amount of unlawful clamping in Bradford recently. When we got to the address, all we could find was a tiny portakabin around the back of an industrial estate, which, of course, had no-one in it. Once we got back to our car we found it had been clamped and there was a scribbled ticket left under one of the wipers instructing us to send £150 to some PO box address in Edinburgh by the end of the day, or the vehicle would be destroyed. It was unbelievable – we’d only been gone a matter of seconds. I was livid and I wanted to smash up their office, but it was already decrepit and there was paper all over the place. I could have set fire to the bastards.”

Target Car Direct aren’t the first company of this kind to incite public hatred. Since 2000, so-called “clamping cowboys” have increased in number by over 1000%, as many businesses look to take advantage of the “yellow pound” [so called, due to the most commonly used colour of wheel-braces in the UK]. “It’s a terrific way to make money,” says Tony Mick of Rapecar Ltd., based in several offices across the UK, “and there’s never any shortage of prospective ‘clients’ willing to flout parking regulations quite clearly displayed in the ‘office’ on the other side of the estate. All they’d have to do is ask for a key, but pretty much all of them are too lazy to do that, so they inevitably come back to their vehicle to find the old ‘yellow gold’ strapped around their rear wheel. They can argue all they like, but at the end of the day, they’re the ones in the wrong. Of course, the customers don’t always agree, so we try to ensure that the people who arrive to tow their car away could squash their heads like a grapefruit if they felt like it.”

Other parking companies were “unavailable” for comment.

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